2021 Wrap Up

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hello, people.

Last day of 2021. Feel like I just left high school few years back but when I count, it's been 9 years already! Where did the time go? I am now closer to 30, closer to death *wah insof. Anyway, I want to recap some of the things happened or things I have done in 2021. May another year bring me more wisdom, more patience, more faith and more gratefulness. 

1. I read 35 books!

My plan was to read two books per month for this year. But as I was commuting to work by train that took me around 45 minutes, I was blessed with the opportunity to read more. Hence, I exceeded my own target. Yeay! For 2022, I am thinking to read more autobiography, non-fiction and buy more preloved books. 

2. Went for staycation(s) with my friends

People who know me will know that I am a very much homebody. I can stay home for weeks and I won't even feel bored. And when I say I'm busy at home, I AM busy. There are books to read, clothes to fold, shelves to be dusted off, things to arrange and clean, planner to be updated, recipes to try. Really, there are endless things to do at home. So, when my friends ask me to go for staycation and I agree to join, it means: a) I have sufficient social capacity to join, b) I am comfortable with them

In 2021, I went to TWO staycations with TWO different group of friends. Look at me, all grown up, mingling around lol. Evidences as below.

Sarang @ Kuala Kubu Bharu. I love it. It's small cabin-container site with amazing facilities and nice hosts. Very affordable too.

I went with them. Same faces since 2008, just older.

Sadly, I don't have that many pictures in Sarang. We had BBQ and games! I had so much fun even though I had to eat lemon during Truth or Dare game. 

And then, I stayed at Terrapuri, Setiu, Terengganu with another group of friends.

This is Amirah and Syafiqah. I have known Piqah since we were 9 years old and then I invited myself as a third-wheel in their relationship HAHAHAHAA. Thank you guys for accepting me.

One of the things I will always be grateful for is to be able to see. To be able to feast your eyes on such amazing creations (the sky, the beach, the trees) created by our Lord - you should never take it for granted.

3. I went to a Pottery Class!

I have always wanted to learn pottery but come on, it's expensive and I always have this kind of uneasy feeling if I spend on myself. But I finally made up my mind and register for a pottery class. For the first session, I made a bowl!

See? I stamped it with my name, BA ehek

4. Got to wear convocation robe for the second time

The reason I had my picture taken with my thesis instead of a scroll is because I did not attend the ceremony. HAHAHA. I just picked up the robe and take a photo of me in it. I did not want to go through all the formalities and protocols but I still want to have a picture of me in that robe. So, there.

5. I lost my baby nephew to cancer

My little love, Ahmad Aidiysyafin bin Ahmad Adzrulsyafiq lost his battle with JMML. He left us on 27 May 2021 and I can't even be there for the funeral because of the MCO thing. I avoid talking about his passing because it's still raw and there are no way to talk about this boy without tears coming out and lumps in throat. See you again one day, my love.

Also, losing your loved ones to death really change your perspective of life. Other problems suddenly seem small and insignificant. And you become more appreciative of the time you can spend with your loved ones because you don't know when will you get another chance to be with them. So people, always tell your loved ones 'I love you' and treasure every single moment with them. Hug them when you can. It's awkward but just do it!

What else happened this year ah? Oh ya! I was in quarantine, twice! HAHAHAHA. The first one because I was a close contact of my colleague. The second time was because I was a close contact of my brother in law. But I was fine through all two quarantines alhamdulillah.

And then, I experienced raya without my parents. for the first time ever. But still, I was lucky because I had my sister and her family here. So, it was bearable. Can't imagine people who have to raya alone. My heart bleeds for them.

Oh I also got best staff award for October! HAHAHAHAHA. My boss' opening statement about me was: "This person - you can hear her before you can see her." And then other people in the chatbox (we're having virtual staff meeting) started calling out my name. I think I have to accept that I memang noisy. Next year, I will work harder to compensate for the noise I made. HAHAHA.

That's my 2021. For 2022, I just hope we can live safer, healthier, happier, even with Covid19 still around. Also, recycle more stuff, reduce single use plastics, don't litter, safe the turtle, and stop forcing your dreams onto other people and don't believe everything you see on the Internet. Spend more time with your loved ones, tell them you love them. Do it.

I hope your 2021 is amazing and your 2022 would even be better. If you feel like 2021 is not your year, it's okay. Make next one yours. If it doesn't work, try again the year after that. Don't give up on your dreams and hopes. Hard works and efforts will always pay off. Be patient and keep hustling.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Thanks for reading!

Timing In Life

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

This is a post I kept as draft for so long, Tuhan je tahu lama mana terperuk dalam draft bin. So, if you see any words like yesterday, a few days back, do know that the word actually means few months back. Publishing it now because I want my blog to have some life. Thanks.

Hi people,

I haven't ramble for so long. Mainly because I don't have enough time and also, as usual, I'm lazy to write. Yesterday, I chatted with one of my friends, Nadhirah. She asked one question: 

If you are still not married when you reach 30 and you are happy with your life, would you continue living so or would you look for a husband?

My answer was: I don't set any age limit to get married. If at certain age I feel like getting married, then I will look for a husband. If I meet someone who loves me, can accept myself and family (vice versa) and blah blah blah all the criteria, why not get married? But no, this post is not about marriage lol.

I think back then, growing up, almost everything that I was taught about revolves around age. Like what age to finish study, what age to start working, what age to get married, what age to achieve this, what age to achieve that. It was not bad. It helps you to see your goals clearer and motivates you to work your ass off to achieve those goals. 

I myself, also used to set goal in life based on age. When I was in school, if people ask me what age is appropriate to get married, I always said 27 year old. But now that I am older, I feel like there is no appropriate age to achieving something in life. If you got your degree at 30, it is still an accomplishment. If you buy your first house at 50, it is still an accomplishment. I just feel like whatever you do in life should not be set by age.

Also, have you ever thought of how people view age? There's no fix point to view it. You see, when someone got married at 35, they are old. They have to rush to have kids. But if a 35 year old person died, he or she is too young. I don't think people would say 'Ohhhhh, they should have rushed buat pahala masa umur 30 haritu now dead already.' That would be rude, right? Using the same concept, it would be rude to tell people they have to rush in other things too. Except rush to perform solat after azan, that one good rush ehek #donedakwah

So my point is, do not let age limit you. Your achievement in life, does not matter your age at the time you achieve it, it is still an achievement. Your achievement is as valid, as amazing, as great, as terrific, AND NOT LATE. I also don't know how many times I have to emphasise, but everyone's journey is different. We all want different thing and we all work differently. So, why expect same result?

And oh, age might be limiting us in some aspects. Like once I hit 25, I can no longer be out after 10pm because the next day I will have runny nose and feel tired. But did I let my age defeat me? No. I still go out at night and come back late. I will just have to take some panadols and plenty of rest LOL. 

Anyway people, live your life. Be grateful. Be inspired by other's success but never feel pressed like you are running out of time to achieve your dreams. 

Bye and thanks for reading!

Things I Learnt Being A 25-year-old

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people.

I'm turning 26 soon. Imma list down things I have learnt the whole year through my own experiences because I know some days, I need myself to be reminded by myself. So, whatever I have learnt during one whole year being a 25 year old are my own experiences, tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau yang mati. Gituh disclaimer.

photo: google

1. You should not worry about things that are out of your control. Why? Because it takes up too much energy and more often than not, it won't end the way you want. So why waste time and energy worrying about that? Let it go and instead, focus on what you can control.

2. It is okay to distance yourself from people. Distancing yourself from some people does not mean you hate them. In a way, it helps the relationship to heal. Also, you can take this time to reflect on yourself. Did you treat that person well? Are you toxic to them? What you can and want to change in the relationship?

photo: google

3. Acceptance is key to making peace with yourself, with the world. It is hard at first but just try. I was heartbroken once and I kept questioning and pondering what could be done differently to change things. It was hard and painful but when you start to accept things, I believe I can see more clearly. You will eventually see why such things happened and what could you gain from it. Again, it's hard to just accepting stuff because naturally you want to fight, you want to do all you can. But no. Not everything deserves your effort and you, you deserve to be at peace. So, accept whatever happened first. I might learn this after being dumped lol but I am now applying it to almost everything hahaha.

And oh, I would like to quote Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (that's the full name of Professor Dumbledore, guys), "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." A brilliant man, Dumbledore is.

4. Do things because you want to, not because other people do it. Going to places, eating food, buying stuff, being in a relationship - do it because you want to, not because other people are doing it, not because you want to impress other people. Do you know how tiring it is trying to impress people, doing things because it's the trend and you don't want to look lame for not following it? IT IS EXHAUSTING. That kind of behaviour literally eats your mental energy, your time, your respect for yourself. 

photo: google

5. Block, unfollow, mute someone is not immature. I used to think it was. Now, I have muted like almost a hundred Twitter accounts. Most of them I don't even follow but since they appear on my timeline and their tweets annoyed me, I muted them. You know, tweets with insensitive jokes, spreading hates, making fun of someone or worse, a religion. Yeah those kind of tweets. I just go mute them. I don't see the tweets, I don't complain, I don't judge and I don't have to talk bad about that person. See less, sin less wahhhh gitu tagline #donedakwah. But really, muting benefit-less accounts on Twitter helps me a lot. And of course, I believe if people don't like my content or anything, they can block or mute me too.

p/s: I also mute some of my friends who apparently keep liking 18sx photos. Guys, you know what you like appear on your followers' timeline right? So no thanks, I don't want to see strangers with no clothes on my timeline. I have sinned enough lol. I don't mute because I hate some of them. I just mute because I don't want to see certain contents. Gittew.

6. Tiny improvements are still improvements. Baby steps are okay. We are forever a student and life is a never ending lesson. The small things you do every day will amount to big thing, one day. So don't give up easily. Just keep improving.

I learnt a lot but I believe these 6 points are those I want to remember most and keep practising them in my life. Anyway, with these lessons I have learnt, I hope I will be wiser, smarter, mature-r, calmer, and of course RICHER when I hit 26 hahaha. Aamiin. 

Thanks for reading!

Stay safe.

Same Old Issue

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people,

I like spending my time on Twitter. I feel like it's the second best application on my phone. First is of course Muslim Pro. Hewhew. Anyway, last night, I stumbled upon this one tweet. Same old classic issue where a woman is comparing another woman's choice from her own perspective.

It was a response to a tweet regarding how a kid was pushed and bullied at a daycare by another kids. I still have a long way to go to become a mother. I need to find a husband first. So, I often refrain myself from speaking about things I am not experienced in. But, I strongly believe that a working mother, not working mother, a mother who adopted another child, ibu susuan are all mothers, in one way or another.

And for me, it is really not fair to label the mother as a 'perempuan yang keluar bekerja mengejar kemewahan dunia melepaskan tanggungjawab membesarkan anak-anak kepada entah sesiapa' just from a single video and a very short one at that. I respect people's opinion of how a mother should be staying home, looking after her children because it's the best for the family. Yes, it is. But from another perspective, if all women are to practise this, will we have any female representative in professional field?

Will we have female specialists in the hospital? What about teachers? The kids will be taught by all male teachers? What about women in politics? We will not have Jacinda Ardern, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Yeo Bee Yin (I like her hahaha). And to imagine I won't have my favourite teachers - Teacher Omai, Teacher Juriffah, Cikgu Suhana, Teacher Sharifah, Cikgu Zaitun... the list goes on. That's horrible. I can't even imagine...

You see. It's not fair for you to label a woman with kids who has a capable husband but still earning her own money as someone who lusts after the worldly wealth. The girl who tweeted the tweet did mention that she understands if a woman needs to work if the husband could not provide enough. However, not everyone are after money. But many are after their dreams. If you dream of being a housewife, that's amazing. If you dream of being a working mother, that's great. But ladies, you are shit if you shit on people's dreams okay? No one's dream is greater than another. It's not fair to simply call working mothers who have capable husband as kejar kemewahan dunia when you don't even know them or their situation.

And honestly, I think we women have enough issues and provocations from the society itself. Why would we trash on one another? Can't we, a woman, a human being who is often associated with kind-hearted nature, be less judgmental on people around us? Why do we women have to keep comparing? I have two older sisters. They are all degree holders, the first one was married when she was 23, the second one 25, they have three kids each and they are housewives. But, not once, they or my mother questioned my choice of being single at the age of 25 when they all married by 25 (kalau I have to keep the standard of getting married by 25, mampos. I only have two months left to find a victim hahah). And I on the other hand, not even once, have I felt like their degrees are wasted. We don't compare our dreams. I see my older sisters are all happy and they see me happy and that's enough for us. 

I once wrote about dreams in this blog. You can read it here. It's really frustrating when you see your own kind, in this case, female, trashed on your dreams, making you feel less of what you supposed to be, in this case, a mother. But you know what, judgment from people who doesn't matter to you, doesn't matter. I just hope that one day, we can stop comparing (it's impossible but whatever just need something to end my post hahaha). I used to judge people's choices too, but now I am older, I try to refrain myself from doing it. Can't be bitter and salty for all my life. :')

Thanks for reading.

Bye.

p/s: Stay safe.

Because I Feel Like Rambling

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people,

So I have always thought that I am a person who likes to stay at home. But, recently, the number of COVID-19 cases spiked again and I was asked by my very caring HOD to work from home as I am commuting using public transport. The first day was okay, bearable. The days after that, not so much. I like to stick to my routine of going to work in the morning. Now that I don't have to go to work at 7.30 am, my routine is messed up. I even become more lazy and kind of sluggish which I really hate. So now I guess I enjoy not being home as well.

I like my train ride to and from work. I like the fact that I can stop by NU Sentral, spend time in MPH, browsing through the books and maybe grab some food before I go home. Now that I'm working from home, if I were to visit the mall, it will defeat the purpose of staying home to keep myself safe, right? I am trying to steer my head and heart to view this working from home as something positive and I should be grateful that my boss is so nice that she thinks of my safety (and my other colleagues too). And maybe I should start doing some workouts early in the morning so that I won't feel as sluggish. See, actually the lazy issue is because of myself, not because of working from home. Wow sendiri merungut, sendiri muhasabah. Wow.

Anyway, because working from home allows me to be in my bed longer than usual, I started to spend more time on YouTube. I am not that big of a user of YouTube but somehow, I stumbled upon this one channel called, Good Mythical Morning and boyyyyy, the current level of my GMM (the acronym for that channel) is not healthy in anyway. But, the show is so fun and I love the duo, Rhett and Link!

They did all sort of challenges and I think my favourite is "Where in The World .... Come From?" where they eat food from all over the world and then they guess the country origin of that food by throwing a dart onto the map. It's hilarious, it's silly, it's entertaining! Also, their episodes where they taste all Cheesecake Factory's cakes and Ben & Jerry's ice creams somehow made me craving for cakes and ice creams.

I am currently browsing through Season 17 and I have watched most of the episodes where they eat something. I watch them while cooking, I watch them while eating, I even watching them while flossing my teeth and oil cleansing my face. I hope this is just a phase because my jaw is about to fall off anytime now because I laugh too much. I honestly like their jokes (for their videos I have watched). They don't do offensive jokes, you know unlike some comedians who need to use sex or race or religion to make jokes. Like I always say, if you need to use sex, race or religion in a negative way to make jokes, you are not funny. Periodddddttttt

But these two guys are funny. I love their remarks, I love how creative and original the show is and although some of the contents are too weird (for me), I could still accept the jokes. Stumbling upon this show could be the best thing that happens during my working from home period (which is like 7 days now hahaha). 

Anyway, I know I should be grateful to be able to have the chance of working from home while some people need to take risk and still go to work. So, I won't complain anymore. Instead, I will take this working from home as a blessing where I can spend my time watching this show and read my books! Yes let's do that instead of whining like an ungrateful brat.

Okay, I rambled long enough. Thanks for reading and till next time.Stay safe, everyone!

Ramadhan 2020 - of food and kad raya

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people.

Remember when I was soooooo excited about starting a writing challenge? Pfft. I made it until Day 5 out of 10. Weak. I might continue the challenge when the excitement is back but for now, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin! It's already June and raya vibes have long vanished but it is Syawal still and we should live like it's the first day of raya. I know some of us feel a bit confused with this year raya, but hey, I would like to add more confusion. I would be talking, I mean writing-- about puasa/ramadhan instead.

I was in boarding school for a good 5 year since I was 13, then I spent another 4 years away in Kelana Jaya for my degree and 2 years in Bangi for my MA. I had my fair share of berpuasa away from my family but this year, after so long, I got to experience the whole month of Ramadhan with my family. With the PKP, there is no bazaar this year but that gave me chance to try new recipes. Some turned out superbly delicious (gitu ye confident puji masakan sendiri), some turned out okay and some just went south.

I shall start sharing the pictures of few food I cook during puasa -- from the most OK to the worst hahaha. Here is, puding caramel or puding gula hangus. One of the few foods I can cook successfully. I love my caramel pudding a bit bitter and less sweet. Hence, the dark caramel.

Roti John based on Khairul Aming's recipe. This turned out so delicious that my family said I made better roti john than the shops out there. I don't know if my family was sincere with the praises or they just got tired with me endlessly asking, "Sedap dok?", "Okay dok?".

Brownies kedut! I am a complete noob when it comes to baking. This brownies right here, was my third attempt. It tasted nice if you love chocolate and if you love fudgy, chewy brownies texture. I guess my family likes it because it was gone in one sitting. 

Now we are getting to the barely-pass-food. Butir nako. Very easy to prepare, taste nice. It was actually my first time makan butir nako and of course first time doing it. My younger sister approved it soooo I guess it tasted okay? But! My twin nephews memang menduga kesabaran ya. Every time I tried to suap them the butir nako, they just drink the sweet kuah and left the butir nako for me to chew. Kuangsam.

 Next, pulut mangga. Having sweet mangga is important to ensure the deliciousness of the cuisine. So we had several ripe mangoes and the night before making pulut mangga, I cut one of them. It tasted very sweet. That's why I decided to make pulut mangga. Tapi the mangga scammed me. It has nice orange-ish yellow colour but taste like air masak. If blind person eat my pulut mangga, they might think I'm serving them chew-able air masak. Dasar scammer. Will never believe mangga again.

Now, the worst of all. My tepung pelita. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. They look soooo fine. Even my parents were impressed with the acuan I made out of daun pisang. Okay, first off, I used the wrong tepung. Tepung pelita is made with tepung beras but me, being so confident, used tepung gandum. But then, I was told by my friend (after the whole tragedy), Ain, that limas -- a kuih that is similar to tepung pelita used tepung gandum. So I was not entirely wrong.

But people... I made another batch on the same day, this time with the right tepung. If my previous pulut mangga tasted like air masak, this one taste like air. Air as in the one we breathe in. You know, air taste like nothing. Bland, empty, tasteless. Tepung pelita should be sweet but I would like to clarify that my tepung pelita is the (very very very) healthier version of the kuih. I guarantee that diabetic people should not worry about eating my tepung pelita. They can eat a dozen of my tepung pelita and still be fine. 

Anyway, those are my stories about my cooking attempt during ramadhan. And as usual, I wrote several kad raya this year for my friends. Last year I posted out around 20 if I am not mistaken, and this year around 22. I love kad raya but it's getting really hard to find the classic one. Most of the kad raya being sold online are in postcard format and I don't like that. I want those folded cards, with carved out holes, funny caricatures and traditional pictures of random masjid and ketupat that does not look tempting at all. I love those old school cards.

Handwritten notes and cards have a special place in my heart. I kept every single note and card I received since primary school. Some notes are on tissue or small piece of paper but to me, they all are so special, considering the effort being put in by the writers to write me the notes. Gittewwww. Next year raya, I might be designing my own kad raya. I'm figuring out what kind of theme I want and whether I want it handmade or design it and get it printed out somewhere. We'll see next year.

I wish to continue this tradition of writing kad raya to the very end. I want my friends who used to receive kad raya from me, thought of me when I passed away. Like every year, when they are kemas kemas rumah and isi kuih raya dalam bekas kuih, they will go "Dulu, mama ada kawan. Selalu hantar kad raya. Ni dia dah meninggal, dah tak ada kad raya." Gitu. Hahahah. 

Anyway, I am so grateful for this ramadhan. There's nothing to rush as I'm home all day long, for the whole holy month. I have a lot of free time that I managed to khatam Quran on the night before 17 Ramadhan. The shortest time I manage to achieve before this was 22 days. See? There are some good things with the PKP.

 I would like to end my post with this picture of my choc chip biscuits. I usually baked these cookies for raya, but this year I mogok. My youngest brother, Eil, asked me to bake the cookies twice in the month before ramadhan and after that, I no longer have the spirit to bake them. Very the bosan these cookies.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin. Siapa nak duit raya, tinggal nombor account kat bawah hahaha.

Bye!

April, Finally

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Ayyyy people!

It's finally April! God knows how long March was for me, well for everyone I guess with the Covid-19 around. I hope everyone is in good health and as sane as ever. How's RMO or PKP treating you guys? My Ayoh is now all restless. I know he wants to go outside, lepak with his friends or at least, swim in the river. But Ayoh, we cannot do that now or else, that might be the last time you can do it before Covid-19 come and take you straight to Allah. We don't want that, kang? Luckily, he gave good cooperation and spent his days watching television, working out lightly, quarrelling with Eil and latest, they play jenga together. 

Anyway, I am free at last! I have completed my thesis, set up my new room in Gombak (halfway), performed my duty as bridesmaid for my two beloved persons, Fatin and Ain, submitted my infographic poster and video for e-conference and updated all the database for my translation job. All these in March. Pheww! March was very hectic but I don't really mind because I love being busy. If I am not busy, I will acah acah busy. I am an acah acah person.

Now, I want to get ready for a new job and most of the job I applied are all related to writing. I am a bit worried because I feel like my writing is all rusty now. So, I plan to start writing again here. Just to familiarise myself with my writing style, what I can write about and of course, the grammar and the SEO stuff that might come in handy if I got into digital writing industry. While I was excited to start writing again, I stumbled upon one list of writing challenge. Lemme share it here.

 

    

So, the list said 30 day writing challenge. I planned to do 10, but we'll see how it goes. I might get demotivated on some days and this blog will turn to its usual berhabuk nature. But I reallyyyyyy want to start writing again. I did have my journal with me but I only jot down important stuff in there, and although this writing project of mine is important enough for me, I don't think long rant would look nice in my journal. Hence, I turn to my lovely lonely blog. Hehe. I really hope that I will be motivated enough to write everyday. 

See you, people! 

May this writing spirit of mine last long.

Stay safe, take care and be good.

Thanks for reading!

Attitude... It's Always Attitude

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Some cringy quotes but it's true.

Peeps. I was really furious few days back when I heard someone said stuff along the line of "Memang la dia jahat, dia buat .... (insert horrible stuff you'd hate people do unto you). Tapi dia cantik." Sis, sorry. I don't give one gram of care about how people looks. It's always attitude, always! If you do shit to me, you are shit. If you are nice to me, you are nice. Your face, your look, your body has nothing to do with your attitude.

I know that lot of people really love fair skin and pretty people. I got it. Some people rely heavily on visual. Their preferences depend on how things/people looks. But what I don't get is -- why you let all that facade, the things you are seeing, undermine the quality of that individual? So what if she/he got dark skin? What's wrong with not looking pretty like those in the magazine or on Instagram and Twitter? Why does everything always, always has to do with looks?

I was never one of the pretty girls. Back in school, I had several encounters where boys would use my name to joke around with other boys. Like telling their boy friend that I like him. It was like an insult  to the boy as I was not pretty (still am, lol). I was angry. I thought that boy was thinking too highly of himself that he took the joke seriously and looked down on me. I even made jokes about how he looks and how dare he thought that I would like him for how his face. Although I made that remarks because I was angry, I realised that I too for a moment became like them. I judged their look. And I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. I was 13 at that moment and I told myself repeatedly that looks don't matter. It was my attempt to console myself hahah but it changed me for the better. At least now I don't really care how people look. XD

I feel like it was such a waste of talent, ability and skills when people started to judge other people on their appearances. Hey, I know that appearance is important but to me, as long as you dress neatly and accordingly, you are pretty and handsome. And I always find that the kinder the people, the more beautiful or handsome they appear. But, I really don't get it. I know few people who say things like "Tak lawa, tapi dia baik lah" or "Boleh tahan, sayangnya gelap." And the same people would say, "Takpelah dia cerah" or ''Hei perangai teruk, nasib baik lawa." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE? Why the judgement always have to include appearance or looks? Why can't you see beyond that? Why can't we appreciate the sincere smiles, the way they talk, the jokes and they aura they radiate? Or better, their talents, their skills, their abilities. And oh, if their attitude sucks, they sucks. No pretty or handsome face can save that. Periodt.

Literally me when people use appearance to judge people.

I have lot of friends whose look might not be up for the social standard of beauty but well, they look pretty and lovely everyday, effortlessly. Looking at such people, I believe that when you are happy, you are kind, you made people around you feel at ease with you, you will definitely look prettier and glowing-er than ever. So, be happy, be kind people. You don't have to ridicule yourself for not looking like those pretty girls or handsome guys on social media. Be you. You by far, is the nicest version of yourself. Though I know that the world won't work the way I hope, I will forever believe in good attitude makes you look better.

Andddd, we are going to hit 2020 very soon and I really hope this culture of degrading or looking down on people because of their looks would extinct sooner than that. But if you ever read about Halo Effects, you might understand why this culture would be hard to be eliminated. Sad, innit? Truth is, the world will never stop judging you by how you look.  But just try your best to never think about how people look and see beyond that. :) Because believe me, when you stop judging people by how they look, you won't give a damn when people comment on how you look and random people commenting on strangers' looks won't matter anymore. You won't be affected.

Anyway, thank for reading! And remember, beautiful heart makes you beautiful.

Things I Have Learnt

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Ayyyy, it's been so long since I last wrote and vented my feelings out. My blog is super dusty, similar to that articles I have printed for reading. Anyway, I turned 24 this year! Yeayyyyy! 24 and roaring. I've been 24 for less than a month but God knows how this year has taught me so many new things! It's April and I don't think that it would be too far-fetched for me to say that 2019 will be one of the most memorable and strange year I ever had. Anyway, I'll list down things that I have learnt when I turned 24. I hope when I reached 25 (if I ever will) I will look back to this list and feel like, ahhh my 24 year old wasn't all dumb and silly.

1.  Manage your time and your life will be sorted out.

This is something that we all have been told since we were in primary school. I am not good with time management. I remember when I was in primary school, I always got scolded by my sister and received stern looks from my parents. I was so slow and I loooooove daydreaming. Hence, my sister called me 'SIPUT' for I moved too slow. I daydream everywhere. In the bathroom, on the bed after showering, during breakfast, while putting on shoes -- all of these resulted in my sister and I being late for school. She was a prefect, so she had to arrive early. She would walk so fast, leaving me behind because she was angry at me and my daydreams for making her late! hahaha

Now that I am older, I realised that time management is important and I only daydream while I'm showering or about to sleep haha. Daydream is good, can't afford to lose it. But yeah, I have managed my time better. I know that I have to do what at what time, when to stop and when to start. Of course, there are days when I just waste my time by rolling in the bed, immersed with novels and 9GAG. But, I tried my best to get back on the track for the next day. I have to juggle between job and writing thesis so I remind myself to always manage my time or I might lose either one, or worse, BOTH. Please Allah, no.

2.  Spending money you earned is a love-hate relationship

This is so true. I know that we earn money to be spent but heyyy, I work my ass off everyday, translating stuff, editing it and updating the drive, so of course I have some kind of relationship with the money born through this hard work. Back in my degree years, I received RM550 for myself every month from my sponsor (Thank you Yayasan Peneraju I LOVE YOU!). I spent them with no guilt in my heart and very little conscience in my head. Like..

Ohhh that shoes look nice -- BOUGHT IT! 

Ohhh new Ahern's novel -- TAKE IT! 

Yummehh Sushi King nyum nyum -- WALKING OUT FROM SUSHI KING WITH FULL STOMACH AND EMPTY PURSE.

Now that I earn that money from my hard work, I somehow think more sensibly. Like I asked myself, is this a need or is this just my silly desire smooth talking me that striking yellow ass jumper will look good on me without making me look like a giant grilled corn? I am still very much struggling to control my silly unnecessary desire, but I think I am getting a tad better at that. At least now I'm checking it with my brain first before spending on things. I love the fact that I now have money to spend but this may sound stupid but, I hate it when I spend it. Women are complicated, I guess?

3.  IT IS CRUCIAL TO SAVE.

4 years of undergraduate study programme with a full-ride scholarship and not a penny saved. Yup. That's me. I was a bit down when I know people who are the same age as me already owned thousands of saving and me ermmm like RM2 in that dusty Tabung Haji account my primary school registered on behalf of me?! Can't even shop a thing at Eco Shop for everything is RM2.10! It was hard to start saving at first. I used to spend all my money and suffer at every end of month. Then I found this one gem -- Don't save what is left after spending, spend what is left after saving. It helps making the saving-thingy a bit easier. Also, I stumbled upon many tweets or articles telling how important it is to save for the future, emergencies and so what not. I kind of realised that these things are true and misfortune never knocks on the door. They just punched your face. Misfortune is a bitch. So peeps, save first before that bitch came and ran with all the money you have in your hand and left you miserable by the street.

4.  Walk you own pace, your own path and look forward.

This lesson taught me to be relax and calm when I feel like I am left behind. I started my Master's Degree in 2017 and still struggling to complete it. I have friend who started later than me but has completed hers. I was sad and feel a bit like a loser but I remember that we all have our own timeline. We have our own path. If you are not satisfied, you work for the things you want. But never feel less because someone is ahead of you. Life is not a race, it's a journey. It's not about who arrive first or last, it's all about arriving at the destination and enjoying things around you. You gotta look forward and stay focus to arrive at your destination. If people's journey around you made you feel disheartened, stop looking at them. But if they motivated, by all means, continue googling them. Wow, can't believe I remember some kind wisdom shiz from some wise books and old bald men on Google. #positivevibes #inspirational

5.  Losing a best friend is a bigger heart shattering event than losing your boyfriend. 

This one, let's just say that I have learnt it, okay? *continues weeping under blanket*

6.  SELF-HELP BOOKS ARE NOT THAT BAD.

They are quite fun. You can gain new insights on things or issues around you. You might change the way you think. You get useful and effective tips!!! My first self-help book is Quiet Power by Susan Cain. How I stumbled upon this book? Well, I did a personality test and I got INFJ as the result. The I at the front stands for INTROVERT. Me? Introvert? LOL. So I retake the test like 10 times and got the exact same result. Time to accept the reality, I guess? I never considered myself as introvert, more like someone who only talks to people I know and stay quiet with strangers but then, the smart people say that what introvert is. Ye lah tu. But anyhow, I wanted to understand more so I googled books for the thing and decided to buy this Quiet Power. Amazingly, I can relate to almost all the stories and almost half of the tips given are things that I have practising in my life.

I have never liked self-help books but after reading one, I think that it's not so bad to start challenging myself to read new things. They are wonderful and some stories are really funny. Not like Sugar-Sammy-funny, more like sopan-jokes-that-make-you-smile-ears-to-ears-funny. But they are alright, really. Give it a go if you have never tried it.

7.  Open door for new people.

I texted with same people, sometimes met the same people I texted and spent my free time with the same people. I always refuse to go out if my friends brought someone I don't know along with them. That was bad and I shouldn't have done that. When my boss whom I only converse via Whatsapp or email asking me to go eat together, I went numb. I am scared of meeting new people. I don't even really pick up calls, especially not from unknown numbers. Just text me, don't have to call or meet me. I don't know what to do but one of my brain cells was extra courageous that day and I replied, "Sure. Where should we meet?" After meeting my boss, Kak Ummu, I felt like I can conquer the world, guys. I met a totally new person for the sake of eating together, not because we have work stuff to do! Wow, 2019 is my year! I am a new person. LOL.

And after that, I went to a BBQ at my friend's house and God knows how scared am I. There were people I never knew existed and how do you talk or behave in front of them? I was freaked out but hey hey hey new Bazilah won't back down ah gituuu. Luckily, I knew quite a few people there too and although I was super awkward at first, it got easier and more comfortable after some times. I guess, I just have to do the things I have to do. Don't be so scared. If I did something embarrassing, just avoid meeting that person again. Haha!

I guess, that's all I have learnt for now? I really hope that by the time I turned 25, I would be wiser and smarter and prettier and richer and slimmer. Aamiin. I wish everyone to have smooth sailing year this 2019 and may you all be blessed.

Thank you for reading!

Adulting

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Assalamualaikum people!

When did you realise that you are an adult? I have known for quite some time that I am an adult and I hold full responsibility on my actions. It is nerve-wrecking knowing that your parents cannot answer for you anymore but it is what life is. You are on your own except for The Almighty. Anyway, yesterday I was once more slapped by the reality of being an adult. I bought my first telekung, ever.

Growing up, my mother basically sewed everything for us, the whole family. Baju kurung, school uniform, the white tudung you wear to school, baju raya, short pants and of course, telekung for prayers or as my family always calls it, baju sembahyang. I love her style of sewing in the face part where the telekung fitted my face nicely and all the white fluffy pretty lace. I remember the makcik cleaners in my primary school asking about my telekung because they said it is so pretty and look very neat in the face area. Anyway, I always love white telekung because it symbolises purity and calmness. My mother thought so too. I never bought any telekung because I love the ones that my mother sewed for us. 

However, as my mother grew older, she picked up new hobby - trying out new telekung from various brands. I don't understand this because she already has a hobby which is just as money consuming which is collecting Tupperware. My mother is really like lot of Malay mothers in Malaysia. Telekung and Tupperware. They can never be separated. But what my mother said also make me see the light -  if you are willing to spend more than RM100 on your daily outfit, why not buy some pretty, expensive and comfortable telekung to see your God? Okay mi madre, you win. 

With her new hobby, she slowed down on sewing telekung and finally stopped. I used whatever telekung she bought for me because she knew the best. Most of my mother's choice of telekung are usually of cotton. Both of us are suckers for cotton fabric because cotton is always the best for everything, except for swimming suit. Wait, what? Whatever. I missed wearing cotton telekung sewed by my mother but I know she won't sew it anymore. T__T

Now I am 23 years old and I have finally bought my first telekung using my own money! LOL like that's a big deal. Well, big enough for me since I have been wearing telekung made by mother or bought by my mother. Hehe. My first telekung is of course made from cotton and white in colour. Like I would opt for any other colours, lewls. I got mine from here! Lemme share some pictures of it.

I don't know that it will come in such hard, magnetic box given the cheap price for a cotton telekung. I like it anyway. And oh, very suitable as a gift.

I think for every purchase, they will give mini notebook and tasbih digital. Again, such generosity for such affordable and cheap price. *insert doge meme*

The face area of the telekung. For the chin area, they use lycra so it stretches and more comfortable for the wearer. The sewing quality is very neat for me. No loose thread can be found. It is very comfortable when you wear and the best part is, the telekung has thicker layer from the head to the chest. I loooooove it! Not sheer at all and you don't have to worry about your hair or ears could be seen by others. Yeayy! 

They have few other designs, but of course, being a boring and plain person, I opted for this basic telekung. I like the think simple lace adorning this telekung because this is all I need for a telekung hehe. Sewed very neat onto the telekung body too. Of course, I love the telekung with sulam tebuk design but well, I can't afford such thing now.

I am very happy with my purchase but I was also a bit melancholic and nostalgic because telekung is something that I always relate to my mother. Realising that I will become an adult with bought telekung, not sewed by her made me feel like I lost something. But, I will always cherish the memories. But if buying telekung means I can experiment with different materials and designs, hehe I am happy to do that too (This is wrong by the way. Don't waste your money!)

 That's it for now. I will surely write more if I have more stories. Cheers!

Thanks for reading!

Bukit Merah

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Assalamualaikum people!

I don't know how many times we have been planning, dreaming and talking about visiting our dear Bibso in Bukit Merah before we finally did it. If it was a free scale marathon, we could have been walking up to Hungary by now given the length of our discussion about our visit to Bukit Merah. Now, our Bibso is a lecturer at a college in Bukit Merah, so she rented a house and we are purposely visiting her to wreck her house (which we did very excellently). Three of us (Na, Anum and me) decided to visit her some time in July. Sadly, Na was back in Cambodia for teaching and that left me with Anum the melancholic girl.

We dreamed of riding the train all the way to Kamunting but the ticket actually costed us an almost return trip to our dear hometown. So, we took the bus. Anum had a series of mishaps to reach TBS but honestly, that story deserves one whole different post. XD. We boarded the bus to Kamunting at 2.45 pm. The driver was very careful, maybe a bit too  careful that he became slow -.-. The traffic was fine and we took a bit longer than 4 hours to reach Kamunting. Bibso was late and we had our light dinner by the burger stand. By light I mean that I had a double special burger. Hihi.

Bibi finally came and picked us up. Guess where we went first? Yup that's right, Aeon Taiping! LOL like we had never been in Aeon, right? But it was special because we were with Bibi. We actually went there to withdraw some money and ended up spending our money in Watson and MR DIY. Anum actually bought a pack of hooks in MR DIY. Imagine going to Bukit Merah to shop for some hooks. Anum, you are actually living a luxurious lifestyle. Not even Rihanna goes to different region to buy some bloody hooks. *throw pom-poms*

Then we went to Kamiria for late dinner and chatted about Bibs' new guy. We decided to call it a night and went home. The night was not really over. We reached Bibs' house to continue chatting and taking turn for showers. I was excited with all the chats but also nervous for my result. It was way too long but we continued until our voices were hoarse. The next two days were packed with activities so lemme share with you some pictures of us.

Our first picture together by the abandoned pool in Bibi's apartment. 

This is Bibi whose house we wrecked and trashed. She drove us around and treated us for lunch. Be like Bibi.

This is Anum. She had some mishaps on her way to TBS but she still smiled. Be like Anum. She slept during (almost the whole) journey to Ipoh. I have changed my mind, don't be like Anum. Haha.

We all wanted to eat the famous Nasi Ganja at the Yong Suan restaurant but by the time we reached Ipoh, it was almost 12 pm and the queue in front of the shop was quite long. Ini boleh menimbulkan amarah dan ketidakadilan kepada organ perut. So we decided to eat at the M.Salim shop and it was goooooood! I picked some squids and chicken with some gravy. No regret at all.

Bibso and me in Family Bundle, Ipoh. We bought two matching hats for RM3 each. We don't know when and where we will be using these hats but we did know that we have to buy them. 

There are like half of my purchase at the bundle. I got two flannel shirts, one chiffon cardigan, one sleeveless cotton top, one pair of jeans, two long sleeves t-shirts, one track bottom, one short sleeve t-shirt, one boxer (too big for my brother but it was so cute with onions, capsicum and aubergines on it so I just have to buy it lol) and of course the black hat. All for RM 53.00. I LOVE THRIFT SHOPS! Thank you Bibso, I will forever enjoy this. 

On our way back to Bukit Merah from Ipoh, we went to eat Mee Udang! So delicious. Anum recommended it to us and we are grateful for such awesome taste. A plate of goodness for RM 7.00. Wait, lemme share the close-up of this goddess.

LOOK. AT. THAT. *telan air liur* I literally finished the plate of mee udang under 10 minutes. The udangs were fat, like me. Heheh.

On the way home, we sang our hearts out to jiwang songs. Anum surprisingly knows lot of jiwang songs. We agreed that she has been dumped so many times that she spent her time looking for jiwang songs that sing her feelings best. Miahaha. We went back to Bibs' house and played few rounds of Charades. Again, Anum surprised us both with her skills. She SUCK at Charades. I'll give you few situations.

Category: Animals

Word: Parrot

*Bibi and I mimic each other, act like bird, sing Kakak Tua song*

Anum: Hawk!

Bibi and I: -,-

*continue acting*

Anum: Bird!

Bibi and I: (excitedly) Ya! Kakak Tuaaaaaa!

Anum: I don't know the word in English.

Category: Animals

Word: Seahorse

Bibi: *shaped her finger to mimic seahorse shape*

Me: Kuda tapi tinggal dalam laut.

Anum: Worm!

Our last morning, we had a small picnic! We had sandwiches, orange juice and drummets. I got pooped on by the bird too bu thank god, the poop did not get into any food. We ate and played some more rounds of Charades. We did kind of well in different categories and went back because it was getting hotter and we could feel the sun on our backs.

Just as quickly, it was time for us to go home. We packed our stuff after the picnic, showered and tidied up a bit. We decided to eat at the same restaurant where we had our first dinner because it was sooo gooooood. We had another laughs in the car on the journey to the restaurant.

These all plus five drinks and three plates of rice, amounted to RM 35++. The portion were all generous. We ordered the tomyam for two pax but it was a lot that we were left with plenty of leftovers and we ratah all the dishes lavishly. We all vowed to eat at the restaurant if we ever come to Kamunting again.

Our last picture together. ;'(

Then we went to Kamunting bus station with heavy hearts. It was sad to part ways but we all have different life we can't simply follow our hearts anymore. But we promised to make time for another visit and try more food. I actually have left my toothbrush in Bib's place in advance. Mihmihmih.

I have no more stuff to be rambled about so I will just make my stop here.

Thanks for reading!

p/s: Cherish your friends!