2021 Wrap Up

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hello, people.

Last day of 2021. Feel like I just left high school few years back but when I count, it's been 9 years already! Where did the time go? I am now closer to 30, closer to death *wah insof. Anyway, I want to recap some of the things happened or things I have done in 2021. May another year bring me more wisdom, more patience, more faith and more gratefulness. 

1. I read 35 books!

My plan was to read two books per month for this year. But as I was commuting to work by train that took me around 45 minutes, I was blessed with the opportunity to read more. Hence, I exceeded my own target. Yeay! For 2022, I am thinking to read more autobiography, non-fiction and buy more preloved books. 

2. Went for staycation(s) with my friends

People who know me will know that I am a very much homebody. I can stay home for weeks and I won't even feel bored. And when I say I'm busy at home, I AM busy. There are books to read, clothes to fold, shelves to be dusted off, things to arrange and clean, planner to be updated, recipes to try. Really, there are endless things to do at home. So, when my friends ask me to go for staycation and I agree to join, it means: a) I have sufficient social capacity to join, b) I am comfortable with them

In 2021, I went to TWO staycations with TWO different group of friends. Look at me, all grown up, mingling around lol. Evidences as below.

Sarang @ Kuala Kubu Bharu. I love it. It's small cabin-container site with amazing facilities and nice hosts. Very affordable too.

I went with them. Same faces since 2008, just older.

Sadly, I don't have that many pictures in Sarang. We had BBQ and games! I had so much fun even though I had to eat lemon during Truth or Dare game. 

And then, I stayed at Terrapuri, Setiu, Terengganu with another group of friends.

This is Amirah and Syafiqah. I have known Piqah since we were 9 years old and then I invited myself as a third-wheel in their relationship HAHAHAHAA. Thank you guys for accepting me.

One of the things I will always be grateful for is to be able to see. To be able to feast your eyes on such amazing creations (the sky, the beach, the trees) created by our Lord - you should never take it for granted.

3. I went to a Pottery Class!

I have always wanted to learn pottery but come on, it's expensive and I always have this kind of uneasy feeling if I spend on myself. But I finally made up my mind and register for a pottery class. For the first session, I made a bowl!

See? I stamped it with my name, BA ehek

4. Got to wear convocation robe for the second time

The reason I had my picture taken with my thesis instead of a scroll is because I did not attend the ceremony. HAHAHA. I just picked up the robe and take a photo of me in it. I did not want to go through all the formalities and protocols but I still want to have a picture of me in that robe. So, there.

5. I lost my baby nephew to cancer

My little love, Ahmad Aidiysyafin bin Ahmad Adzrulsyafiq lost his battle with JMML. He left us on 27 May 2021 and I can't even be there for the funeral because of the MCO thing. I avoid talking about his passing because it's still raw and there are no way to talk about this boy without tears coming out and lumps in throat. See you again one day, my love.

Also, losing your loved ones to death really change your perspective of life. Other problems suddenly seem small and insignificant. And you become more appreciative of the time you can spend with your loved ones because you don't know when will you get another chance to be with them. So people, always tell your loved ones 'I love you' and treasure every single moment with them. Hug them when you can. It's awkward but just do it!

What else happened this year ah? Oh ya! I was in quarantine, twice! HAHAHAHA. The first one because I was a close contact of my colleague. The second time was because I was a close contact of my brother in law. But I was fine through all two quarantines alhamdulillah.

And then, I experienced raya without my parents. for the first time ever. But still, I was lucky because I had my sister and her family here. So, it was bearable. Can't imagine people who have to raya alone. My heart bleeds for them.

Oh I also got best staff award for October! HAHAHAHAHA. My boss' opening statement about me was: "This person - you can hear her before you can see her." And then other people in the chatbox (we're having virtual staff meeting) started calling out my name. I think I have to accept that I memang noisy. Next year, I will work harder to compensate for the noise I made. HAHAHA.

That's my 2021. For 2022, I just hope we can live safer, healthier, happier, even with Covid19 still around. Also, recycle more stuff, reduce single use plastics, don't litter, safe the turtle, and stop forcing your dreams onto other people and don't believe everything you see on the Internet. Spend more time with your loved ones, tell them you love them. Do it.

I hope your 2021 is amazing and your 2022 would even be better. If you feel like 2021 is not your year, it's okay. Make next one yours. If it doesn't work, try again the year after that. Don't give up on your dreams and hopes. Hard works and efforts will always pay off. Be patient and keep hustling.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Thanks for reading!

Timing In Life

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

This is a post I kept as draft for so long, Tuhan je tahu lama mana terperuk dalam draft bin. So, if you see any words like yesterday, a few days back, do know that the word actually means few months back. Publishing it now because I want my blog to have some life. Thanks.

Hi people,

I haven't ramble for so long. Mainly because I don't have enough time and also, as usual, I'm lazy to write. Yesterday, I chatted with one of my friends, Nadhirah. She asked one question: 

If you are still not married when you reach 30 and you are happy with your life, would you continue living so or would you look for a husband?

My answer was: I don't set any age limit to get married. If at certain age I feel like getting married, then I will look for a husband. If I meet someone who loves me, can accept myself and family (vice versa) and blah blah blah all the criteria, why not get married? But no, this post is not about marriage lol.

I think back then, growing up, almost everything that I was taught about revolves around age. Like what age to finish study, what age to start working, what age to get married, what age to achieve this, what age to achieve that. It was not bad. It helps you to see your goals clearer and motivates you to work your ass off to achieve those goals. 

I myself, also used to set goal in life based on age. When I was in school, if people ask me what age is appropriate to get married, I always said 27 year old. But now that I am older, I feel like there is no appropriate age to achieving something in life. If you got your degree at 30, it is still an accomplishment. If you buy your first house at 50, it is still an accomplishment. I just feel like whatever you do in life should not be set by age.

Also, have you ever thought of how people view age? There's no fix point to view it. You see, when someone got married at 35, they are old. They have to rush to have kids. But if a 35 year old person died, he or she is too young. I don't think people would say 'Ohhhhh, they should have rushed buat pahala masa umur 30 haritu now dead already.' That would be rude, right? Using the same concept, it would be rude to tell people they have to rush in other things too. Except rush to perform solat after azan, that one good rush ehek #donedakwah

So my point is, do not let age limit you. Your achievement in life, does not matter your age at the time you achieve it, it is still an achievement. Your achievement is as valid, as amazing, as great, as terrific, AND NOT LATE. I also don't know how many times I have to emphasise, but everyone's journey is different. We all want different thing and we all work differently. So, why expect same result?

And oh, age might be limiting us in some aspects. Like once I hit 25, I can no longer be out after 10pm because the next day I will have runny nose and feel tired. But did I let my age defeat me? No. I still go out at night and come back late. I will just have to take some panadols and plenty of rest LOL. 

Anyway people, live your life. Be grateful. Be inspired by other's success but never feel pressed like you are running out of time to achieve your dreams. 

Bye and thanks for reading!

Hidup Tanpa Jiwa

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Tiada kata mampu mencungkil bungkam

Seorang bapa kehilangan anak

Tiada istilah sesuai digelar

Seorang ibu kehilangan anak

Tiada lukisan mampu melakar

Kembar kehilangan pasangannya

Tiada jawapan untuk soalan

'Hari ini baikkah?'

Makna baik itu sudah berubah

Kalau dahulu, baik itu maksudnya tiada cela

Baik hari ini sudah berbeza

Baik hari ini maknanya

Tetap makan tanpa selera

Tetap bangun pagi tanpa ada ke mana arahnya

Tetap menjawab soalan walau tanpa jiwa

Tetap melakukan banyak benda walau banyak jugak tanpanya

Sesungguhnya

Jenazah paling kecil itu

Paling besar sedihnya

Paling berat dukanya

Paling rumit penawarnya

Hanya masa dan doa

Mampu membawa mereka keluar dari pedih derita ini

Walaupun parutnya kan kekal ada sehingga habis usia

Tapi sekurangnya

Satu hari nanti

Bibir mereka kan menguntum senyum hampir seperti biasa

Begitulah doa saya untuk kakak saya, suami dan anak-anaknya

In loving memory of Ahmad Aidiysyafin bin Ahmad Adzrulsyafiq

My beautiful nephew, who is now running in syurga, free from pain

You fight so bravely sayang and you deserve the best pain-free life there

You are so so so loved, forever will be remembered.

Things I Learnt Being A 25-year-old

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people.

I'm turning 26 soon. Imma list down things I have learnt the whole year through my own experiences because I know some days, I need myself to be reminded by myself. So, whatever I have learnt during one whole year being a 25 year old are my own experiences, tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau yang mati. Gituh disclaimer.

photo: google

1. You should not worry about things that are out of your control. Why? Because it takes up too much energy and more often than not, it won't end the way you want. So why waste time and energy worrying about that? Let it go and instead, focus on what you can control.

2. It is okay to distance yourself from people. Distancing yourself from some people does not mean you hate them. In a way, it helps the relationship to heal. Also, you can take this time to reflect on yourself. Did you treat that person well? Are you toxic to them? What you can and want to change in the relationship?

photo: google

3. Acceptance is key to making peace with yourself, with the world. It is hard at first but just try. I was heartbroken once and I kept questioning and pondering what could be done differently to change things. It was hard and painful but when you start to accept things, I believe I can see more clearly. You will eventually see why such things happened and what could you gain from it. Again, it's hard to just accepting stuff because naturally you want to fight, you want to do all you can. But no. Not everything deserves your effort and you, you deserve to be at peace. So, accept whatever happened first. I might learn this after being dumped lol but I am now applying it to almost everything hahaha.

And oh, I would like to quote Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (that's the full name of Professor Dumbledore, guys), "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." A brilliant man, Dumbledore is.

4. Do things because you want to, not because other people do it. Going to places, eating food, buying stuff, being in a relationship - do it because you want to, not because other people are doing it, not because you want to impress other people. Do you know how tiring it is trying to impress people, doing things because it's the trend and you don't want to look lame for not following it? IT IS EXHAUSTING. That kind of behaviour literally eats your mental energy, your time, your respect for yourself. 

photo: google

5. Block, unfollow, mute someone is not immature. I used to think it was. Now, I have muted like almost a hundred Twitter accounts. Most of them I don't even follow but since they appear on my timeline and their tweets annoyed me, I muted them. You know, tweets with insensitive jokes, spreading hates, making fun of someone or worse, a religion. Yeah those kind of tweets. I just go mute them. I don't see the tweets, I don't complain, I don't judge and I don't have to talk bad about that person. See less, sin less wahhhh gitu tagline #donedakwah. But really, muting benefit-less accounts on Twitter helps me a lot. And of course, I believe if people don't like my content or anything, they can block or mute me too.

p/s: I also mute some of my friends who apparently keep liking 18sx photos. Guys, you know what you like appear on your followers' timeline right? So no thanks, I don't want to see strangers with no clothes on my timeline. I have sinned enough lol. I don't mute because I hate some of them. I just mute because I don't want to see certain contents. Gittew.

6. Tiny improvements are still improvements. Baby steps are okay. We are forever a student and life is a never ending lesson. The small things you do every day will amount to big thing, one day. So don't give up easily. Just keep improving.

I learnt a lot but I believe these 6 points are those I want to remember most and keep practising them in my life. Anyway, with these lessons I have learnt, I hope I will be wiser, smarter, mature-r, calmer, and of course RICHER when I hit 26 hahaha. Aamiin. 

Thanks for reading!

Stay safe.