2021 Wrap Up

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hello, people.

Last day of 2021. Feel like I just left high school few years back but when I count, it's been 9 years already! Where did the time go? I am now closer to 30, closer to death *wah insof. Anyway, I want to recap some of the things happened or things I have done in 2021. May another year bring me more wisdom, more patience, more faith and more gratefulness. 

1. I read 35 books!

My plan was to read two books per month for this year. But as I was commuting to work by train that took me around 45 minutes, I was blessed with the opportunity to read more. Hence, I exceeded my own target. Yeay! For 2022, I am thinking to read more autobiography, non-fiction and buy more preloved books. 

2. Went for staycation(s) with my friends

People who know me will know that I am a very much homebody. I can stay home for weeks and I won't even feel bored. And when I say I'm busy at home, I AM busy. There are books to read, clothes to fold, shelves to be dusted off, things to arrange and clean, planner to be updated, recipes to try. Really, there are endless things to do at home. So, when my friends ask me to go for staycation and I agree to join, it means: a) I have sufficient social capacity to join, b) I am comfortable with them

In 2021, I went to TWO staycations with TWO different group of friends. Look at me, all grown up, mingling around lol. Evidences as below.

Sarang @ Kuala Kubu Bharu. I love it. It's small cabin-container site with amazing facilities and nice hosts. Very affordable too.

I went with them. Same faces since 2008, just older.

Sadly, I don't have that many pictures in Sarang. We had BBQ and games! I had so much fun even though I had to eat lemon during Truth or Dare game. 

And then, I stayed at Terrapuri, Setiu, Terengganu with another group of friends.

This is Amirah and Syafiqah. I have known Piqah since we were 9 years old and then I invited myself as a third-wheel in their relationship HAHAHAHAA. Thank you guys for accepting me.

One of the things I will always be grateful for is to be able to see. To be able to feast your eyes on such amazing creations (the sky, the beach, the trees) created by our Lord - you should never take it for granted.

3. I went to a Pottery Class!

I have always wanted to learn pottery but come on, it's expensive and I always have this kind of uneasy feeling if I spend on myself. But I finally made up my mind and register for a pottery class. For the first session, I made a bowl!

See? I stamped it with my name, BA ehek

4. Got to wear convocation robe for the second time

The reason I had my picture taken with my thesis instead of a scroll is because I did not attend the ceremony. HAHAHA. I just picked up the robe and take a photo of me in it. I did not want to go through all the formalities and protocols but I still want to have a picture of me in that robe. So, there.

5. I lost my baby nephew to cancer

My little love, Ahmad Aidiysyafin bin Ahmad Adzrulsyafiq lost his battle with JMML. He left us on 27 May 2021 and I can't even be there for the funeral because of the MCO thing. I avoid talking about his passing because it's still raw and there are no way to talk about this boy without tears coming out and lumps in throat. See you again one day, my love.

Also, losing your loved ones to death really change your perspective of life. Other problems suddenly seem small and insignificant. And you become more appreciative of the time you can spend with your loved ones because you don't know when will you get another chance to be with them. So people, always tell your loved ones 'I love you' and treasure every single moment with them. Hug them when you can. It's awkward but just do it!

What else happened this year ah? Oh ya! I was in quarantine, twice! HAHAHAHA. The first one because I was a close contact of my colleague. The second time was because I was a close contact of my brother in law. But I was fine through all two quarantines alhamdulillah.

And then, I experienced raya without my parents. for the first time ever. But still, I was lucky because I had my sister and her family here. So, it was bearable. Can't imagine people who have to raya alone. My heart bleeds for them.

Oh I also got best staff award for October! HAHAHAHAHA. My boss' opening statement about me was: "This person - you can hear her before you can see her." And then other people in the chatbox (we're having virtual staff meeting) started calling out my name. I think I have to accept that I memang noisy. Next year, I will work harder to compensate for the noise I made. HAHAHA.

That's my 2021. For 2022, I just hope we can live safer, healthier, happier, even with Covid19 still around. Also, recycle more stuff, reduce single use plastics, don't litter, safe the turtle, and stop forcing your dreams onto other people and don't believe everything you see on the Internet. Spend more time with your loved ones, tell them you love them. Do it.

I hope your 2021 is amazing and your 2022 would even be better. If you feel like 2021 is not your year, it's okay. Make next one yours. If it doesn't work, try again the year after that. Don't give up on your dreams and hopes. Hard works and efforts will always pay off. Be patient and keep hustling.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Thanks for reading!

Timing In Life

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

This is a post I kept as draft for so long, Tuhan je tahu lama mana terperuk dalam draft bin. So, if you see any words like yesterday, a few days back, do know that the word actually means few months back. Publishing it now because I want my blog to have some life. Thanks.

Hi people,

I haven't ramble for so long. Mainly because I don't have enough time and also, as usual, I'm lazy to write. Yesterday, I chatted with one of my friends, Nadhirah. She asked one question: 

If you are still not married when you reach 30 and you are happy with your life, would you continue living so or would you look for a husband?

My answer was: I don't set any age limit to get married. If at certain age I feel like getting married, then I will look for a husband. If I meet someone who loves me, can accept myself and family (vice versa) and blah blah blah all the criteria, why not get married? But no, this post is not about marriage lol.

I think back then, growing up, almost everything that I was taught about revolves around age. Like what age to finish study, what age to start working, what age to get married, what age to achieve this, what age to achieve that. It was not bad. It helps you to see your goals clearer and motivates you to work your ass off to achieve those goals. 

I myself, also used to set goal in life based on age. When I was in school, if people ask me what age is appropriate to get married, I always said 27 year old. But now that I am older, I feel like there is no appropriate age to achieving something in life. If you got your degree at 30, it is still an accomplishment. If you buy your first house at 50, it is still an accomplishment. I just feel like whatever you do in life should not be set by age.

Also, have you ever thought of how people view age? There's no fix point to view it. You see, when someone got married at 35, they are old. They have to rush to have kids. But if a 35 year old person died, he or she is too young. I don't think people would say 'Ohhhhh, they should have rushed buat pahala masa umur 30 haritu now dead already.' That would be rude, right? Using the same concept, it would be rude to tell people they have to rush in other things too. Except rush to perform solat after azan, that one good rush ehek #donedakwah

So my point is, do not let age limit you. Your achievement in life, does not matter your age at the time you achieve it, it is still an achievement. Your achievement is as valid, as amazing, as great, as terrific, AND NOT LATE. I also don't know how many times I have to emphasise, but everyone's journey is different. We all want different thing and we all work differently. So, why expect same result?

And oh, age might be limiting us in some aspects. Like once I hit 25, I can no longer be out after 10pm because the next day I will have runny nose and feel tired. But did I let my age defeat me? No. I still go out at night and come back late. I will just have to take some panadols and plenty of rest LOL. 

Anyway people, live your life. Be grateful. Be inspired by other's success but never feel pressed like you are running out of time to achieve your dreams. 

Bye and thanks for reading!

Hidup Tanpa Jiwa

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Tiada kata mampu mencungkil bungkam

Seorang bapa kehilangan anak

Tiada istilah sesuai digelar

Seorang ibu kehilangan anak

Tiada lukisan mampu melakar

Kembar kehilangan pasangannya

Tiada jawapan untuk soalan

'Hari ini baikkah?'

Makna baik itu sudah berubah

Kalau dahulu, baik itu maksudnya tiada cela

Baik hari ini sudah berbeza

Baik hari ini maknanya

Tetap makan tanpa selera

Tetap bangun pagi tanpa ada ke mana arahnya

Tetap menjawab soalan walau tanpa jiwa

Tetap melakukan banyak benda walau banyak jugak tanpanya

Sesungguhnya

Jenazah paling kecil itu

Paling besar sedihnya

Paling berat dukanya

Paling rumit penawarnya

Hanya masa dan doa

Mampu membawa mereka keluar dari pedih derita ini

Walaupun parutnya kan kekal ada sehingga habis usia

Tapi sekurangnya

Satu hari nanti

Bibir mereka kan menguntum senyum hampir seperti biasa

Begitulah doa saya untuk kakak saya, suami dan anak-anaknya

In loving memory of Ahmad Aidiysyafin bin Ahmad Adzrulsyafiq

My beautiful nephew, who is now running in syurga, free from pain

You fight so bravely sayang and you deserve the best pain-free life there

You are so so so loved, forever will be remembered.

Things I Learnt Being A 25-year-old

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people.

I'm turning 26 soon. Imma list down things I have learnt the whole year through my own experiences because I know some days, I need myself to be reminded by myself. So, whatever I have learnt during one whole year being a 25 year old are my own experiences, tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau yang mati. Gituh disclaimer.

photo: google

1. You should not worry about things that are out of your control. Why? Because it takes up too much energy and more often than not, it won't end the way you want. So why waste time and energy worrying about that? Let it go and instead, focus on what you can control.

2. It is okay to distance yourself from people. Distancing yourself from some people does not mean you hate them. In a way, it helps the relationship to heal. Also, you can take this time to reflect on yourself. Did you treat that person well? Are you toxic to them? What you can and want to change in the relationship?

photo: google

3. Acceptance is key to making peace with yourself, with the world. It is hard at first but just try. I was heartbroken once and I kept questioning and pondering what could be done differently to change things. It was hard and painful but when you start to accept things, I believe I can see more clearly. You will eventually see why such things happened and what could you gain from it. Again, it's hard to just accepting stuff because naturally you want to fight, you want to do all you can. But no. Not everything deserves your effort and you, you deserve to be at peace. So, accept whatever happened first. I might learn this after being dumped lol but I am now applying it to almost everything hahaha.

And oh, I would like to quote Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (that's the full name of Professor Dumbledore, guys), "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." A brilliant man, Dumbledore is.

4. Do things because you want to, not because other people do it. Going to places, eating food, buying stuff, being in a relationship - do it because you want to, not because other people are doing it, not because you want to impress other people. Do you know how tiring it is trying to impress people, doing things because it's the trend and you don't want to look lame for not following it? IT IS EXHAUSTING. That kind of behaviour literally eats your mental energy, your time, your respect for yourself. 

photo: google

5. Block, unfollow, mute someone is not immature. I used to think it was. Now, I have muted like almost a hundred Twitter accounts. Most of them I don't even follow but since they appear on my timeline and their tweets annoyed me, I muted them. You know, tweets with insensitive jokes, spreading hates, making fun of someone or worse, a religion. Yeah those kind of tweets. I just go mute them. I don't see the tweets, I don't complain, I don't judge and I don't have to talk bad about that person. See less, sin less wahhhh gitu tagline #donedakwah. But really, muting benefit-less accounts on Twitter helps me a lot. And of course, I believe if people don't like my content or anything, they can block or mute me too.

p/s: I also mute some of my friends who apparently keep liking 18sx photos. Guys, you know what you like appear on your followers' timeline right? So no thanks, I don't want to see strangers with no clothes on my timeline. I have sinned enough lol. I don't mute because I hate some of them. I just mute because I don't want to see certain contents. Gittew.

6. Tiny improvements are still improvements. Baby steps are okay. We are forever a student and life is a never ending lesson. The small things you do every day will amount to big thing, one day. So don't give up easily. Just keep improving.

I learnt a lot but I believe these 6 points are those I want to remember most and keep practising them in my life. Anyway, with these lessons I have learnt, I hope I will be wiser, smarter, mature-r, calmer, and of course RICHER when I hit 26 hahaha. Aamiin. 

Thanks for reading!

Stay safe.

Five Years of Fun

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi people!

Among your friends, there must be at least one person who loves taking pictures of everyone and of course, one person who refuses to have his or her picture taken. I was and still am, the latter. But my friend, Nadhirah, looooooooooves to take pictures. She has loads of pictures from our secondary school years. By loads, I mean LOADS. Like if you print it out, you will be needing at least ten albums to put the pictures in. So few days back, she suddenly sent few pictures from her hard disk in the Whatsapp group. Oh. My. God. Out of several pictures, there's one with me. Please, see below.

See the tudung I made? So pretty hahahah. From left, Nadhirah, Melah (I call her Mel, easier that way) and me with Mirah the Tok Guru at the back. Other people might look at this picture and wonder why the hell we were so happy seeing a standing fan? HAHAHAHA. I also could not recall the occasion but I could confidently say that it must be during Ramadhan or bulan pose where we have longer praying session.

Back then, I think we did have the air-conditioner in surau. But it would be turned on only during special occasion. So, it is crucial to secure a kipas before you pray, especially masa bulan pose. Or else, by the time you habih semayang Tarawikh, you would be drenched in sweat. Pahtu nok gi prep some more. No, cannot do. So, we fought for kipas. That explains why three of us had such a big grin on our face. I bet Tok Guru at the back smiled just as wide too hahahah. It is not easy to fight for kipas. You need to be subtle or other people would judge you HAHAHAHAHA. But I think we were all Fivers, the senior at maktab masa tu so pffft being judged for berebut kipas was not a problem.

Five years in boarding school taught me a lot. Now, when I look back at those five amazing years, I would be grateful for everything. I remember a lot of stuff from my secondary school years. When I saw school kids, I would be reminded of all the memories I have - of ponteng prep, of walking to Kem Casuarina saja saja walaupun you have no business there, of eating at the cafe instead of DS, of attending addmaths extra class etc etc.

I would be reminded of the days where we had consecutive hysteria session for several weeks. All started with pokok pelam area dorm belakang. The story is too long to be told in one entry but I swear to God, the story is very exciting. I was among those who ate that buoh pelam and I remember Noyu asked the warden if we (the one who eat buoh pelam) would 'kena hysteria' as well. HAHAHAHA wow I sure can laugh now but back then, no one was laughing. Everyone was scared. I remember Kak Diana Lim, a Chinese senior, asked us to read Al Mulk and Yaasin so that our dorm won't kena kacau and one of her friends quietly said "Manalah ada setan kaca kawan sendiri. Dia tu dok patut takut." LOLOL

Pelam feat pinggan DS kot idk.

Maggi, biskut, air teh and buoh pelam again.

I would be reminded of the Friday evenings, where we were left to do our own activities and some of us would go record music video and all. The head of this kind of activities would be Nadhirah. She was and still is, crazy with camera. No, forget it. She is crazy even without camera. She is just crazy. Periodt. Anyway, my room neighbours - Dayah, Piqah Ibrahim, Mirah Piqah usually enjoyed drinking teh with biskut and maggi, usually mi sedap or if you are feeling fancy, you buy Ruski TomYam Kaw. I remember this one time, should be light off already but we kept chatting and I think Allah must love us so much because out of all the days we talk about stupid and nonsense stuff, it was on the night we talk about tanda-tanda kiamat that Teacher Nana stopped outside my room's window and asked us to stop the usrah and go to sleep. HAHAHAHA. If only she stopped by on other usual day where we talked rubbish, we might be asked to run on the field.

I would be reminded of the restriction to not bring phones and when I was in Form 3, Cikgu Rahimah, the warden forbade us from eating instant noodles because it's not good. I was caught using my phone about three times. One, my phone got taken away and two times, Cikgu Rahimah just reminded me to be careful hahaha. Piqah Ibrahim my roommate on the other hand, was draining the water from her mee sedap when Cikgu Rahimah walked into Wing A (our room was in Wing A). She panicked and instead of draining just the water, Piqah tuang the whole content of the Tupperware into longkang HAHAHAHAH. Cikgu Rahimah didn't even come close to our room and poor maggi, terbazir ke longkang hahahah.

I would be reminded of this one day, I think got some perlawanan bola and after the prep malam someone said if Terengganu menang, tomorrow would be a public holiday. And I don't know why we, the girls went to sleep that night, thinking oh tomorrow is a public holiday. The next morning, I remember waking up because Teacher Nana was screaming HAHAHAHAHA. It's 6.30 am and only a few of us woke up. Padahal, the dorm needed to be cleared by 6 am. So confident public holiday. Know know Teacher Nana tepik suruh bangun hahahah.

I would be reminded of lot of fun stuff, but fingers too tired to type. So here, pictures.

I can never understand what was I thinking, taking picture with the tudung covering half of my face. In picture - Fi, Pateng, Mokte, Eja and Jong. 

From left: Dirah, Me, Sarah and Jiera. I dont know why people hate baju beige. It is literally the better option than the blue uniform. BOOOOOO.

This one in Dewan Ibnu Sina. I think we had camp subject or something but judging from my table where I only have my bag on and not a paper, wow no wonder I didnt score straight As HAHAHAHA.

This was during mock interview. Sepu was the only male student for this group, I think. You see the girl in far left? That's Izzyana and she's definitely God's favourite because if you see her today, you'd be like "how could one just get prettier?". Anyway, I remember goreng my cita-cita konon nok jadi lawyer (pffft I would never) and the interviewer, who is a surgeon and an xKT, asked me what if the criminals threatened me by kidnapping my parents. Would I drop the case? I was like, "My parents are honest and supportive. They will understand my choice." HAHAHAHAHAHA and after the session I was like, what the hell why so dramatic the question??!!

Me, trying to run away from the crazy Nadhirah.

The crazy Nadhirah managed to chase me. Oh no. 

The bicycle was the guard's and I don't know why we took and ride it. I would like to fitnah that Nadhirah forced me to ride the bicycle and gendong her with me. That sounds like her. 

Me and Jiera. Going back to dorm after afternoon prep. Jiera always read surat khabar and she made it her routine to fight with Baby Norsha for surat khabar. Hahaha. Jiera is a mother now. And Baby Norsha is completing her medical study. And here I am, not that different from the picture. I wear a backpack, with baju kurung and a pair of Converse, walking. Except now, I walk to work hahahah. 

Writing what I remember from school in one entry would not do it justice. I had too much fun in school. I hope the people I spent time with back in school also had fun with me. Hahaha. Most importantly, I am forever grateful and thankful for the warm and steady friendship my friends offered me. I am amazed at how patient my friends are, putting up with me. We took different paths since 2012 and I can't believe that I still see them once every few months and for some, once every few weeks. Each of us have changed so much and we carry on with our own life but when we meet each other, it's like the old days all over again. Seeing this photo makes me realise that time has really flown by. I am no longer the same 17 year old me but these people of MRSMKT Class of 2012 would always hold a special place in my heart.

Thank you FB Ladies, for making my school life wayyyyyy more fun that it should have been. May you all be blessed and protected, wherever you are.

Thanks for reading.

p/s: To Nadhirah, puas hati mung? HAHAHAHAH