Invalid Dreams

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi pipels.

Few days ago, I stumbled upon a tweet questioning why certain people dream of getting married early. Why these people can't see bigger picture like trying to polish their talents, try to be multimillionaire or something. Well... I am not proud of this but in my younger years, I used to think that way. I don't see why marriage should be a dream. I mean, sure it's nice to have someone by your side through your ups and downs, having beautiful children and grow old together. But, why just that? Why can't you DREAM BIGGER? Now I am 24, I feel like slapping the life out of the old me or in lovely Ganu words - lepang bia mapuh.

So, yeah. I used to think that way. Until I watched one K-drama and it hit me right where it supposed to - my ego, my so called big dream, my self-centered beliefs. I screen capped the moments that changed my views on dreams.  

 Honestly, the last frame made me feel not so great about myself or to be frank, I feel like a total asshole. I realised that at some points, I may have thought becoming a successful independent woman is wayyyy better than getting married early, settling down, have babies and grow old with the love of my life. This is where I believe many of us went wrong with dreams or life goals.

You see my friends, dreams or life goals are exclusive to that particular person. We could not and should never measure people's dreams. Each of us views life differently. While some think that getting married is everything, some may never think about having a partner. And, you know what? Both dreams, both goals are valid and fine as they are. If you feel like having a husband or wife at such early age is great, go ahead. Achieve it. It's awesome. If you feel like not getting married until you are rich or successful enough, amazing! Do it. Turn it into reality.

What we tend to overlook is there is no one ultimate dream (except stepping into syurga straightaway). You dream differently, I dream differently, she dreams differently, he dreams differently. But does that make one less than another? Umm, no. And whatever your dreams are, it's okay, it's amazing. What not okay is when we push our dreams on another. We forced people to view their dreams are less significant than ours because we thought so. Now, that's not okay. It is never okay to feel your dream is bigger than other's just because you thought so.

Imagine, you are very proud with your dreams of owning a property somewhere in KL, earning more than 20k per month, travelling the world and eating at expensive restaurants. Now, you tell your dream to someone and she scoffs at your dreams, calling it small or insignificant. How would you feel? You see, just because we feel our dream is meaningful to us, doesn't make it as meaningful for others. Hence, never ever question or even worse, belittle the dreams of other people.

In short, just respect people's dreams even if you don't feel that such thing should not be dream of because hey, it's someone else's dreams. Why you sibuk sibuk want to criticise? If you have that much time, you should go work on your dreams. This is of course, a reminder to myself too. We should never sibuk sibuk in someone else's life okay? Let's live our own lives, respect others and work on our dreams.

I shall end my ramble here because I wanna go make some money because that's my dream. I want to make a lot of money LOL kidding. I just want to have enough to live okay? Now, pray together with me - Siti Nurbazilah binti Abu Hassan will never run out of money and always have enough to live. Aamiin.

Thanks for praying for me, guys! Haha.
See you when I feel like rambling again.

Old People Cake

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Hi guys.

I have never told this to anyone but hey, 21 is my favourite number now. Ngiahaha. And today, on this 21st August 2019, I actually baked a cake. An edible one. Honestly, I like baking and cooking but those who know me would know that I barely pass in the chores. Say I bake 10 times. The amount the end products are actually edible might be around 2,3? Hahahah. That how sucks I am in baking and cooking. 

Anyway, today I baked old people cake because old people like it? Or maybe because it is derived from old, old recipe and time where people donno what Chocolate Indulgence or Red Velvet is? Whatever. My mom calls it Kek Marjerin because that's the main ingredient, I think. Some people call it Kek Minyak. I assume they substitute marjerin with minyak. Anyway, I got the seriously easy and simple recipe from here. Tapi, guwe kan lagi suka acah tau despite the fact guwe sucks in baking. So, instead of following the recipe step by step, I actually altered it a tiny bit.

So, basically, these are the ingredients and steps.

Ingredients.

1. 1 cawan gula halus (I is acah tau I used brown sugar (I regret it tho))
2. 1 cawan marjerin pelangi (any marjerin would do)
3. 1 cawan tepung gandum
4. 1 sudu kecil baking powder (I add cream of tartar too because I saw the bottle lying in the baking basket lonely. So I dont want tartar to feel lonely. Lol honestly I dont know why I add it.)
5. 3 eggs
6. 1 sudu kecil esen vanila 

Steps

1. Beat the sugar and margarine until it turns fluffy and white.
2. Add the egg one by one. Continue to beat them violently after each egg is added.
3. Add the esen vanilla.
4. Sift in the flour and baking powder.
5. Mixed them well.
6. Separated them into three colour.
7. Put the colour one scoop by one scoop. Selang seli okay?
8. And then, bake it at 160' for 35 mins.

So you wanna see how my cake looks like? Ermmm okay. 

So you remember I said I used brown sugar instead of white sugar? Yeah guys, my cake is practically brown. Like, no use to add colour. And I also freaked out a bit when my eggs and margarine mixture started to curdle. And then, I remembered that my margarine was from the fridge but the eggs were not. But you don't have to freak out like me if it happens to you. Just add in the flour and follow the steps. The batter will be fine in the oven. Anyway, it tasted decent. My parents like it. I guess that will do. I'm not a fan of sweet food so I reduced the sugar to like 3/4 cup and I still find it a bit too sweet for my liking. But again, I am so used to bland food so my taste bud is actually pathetic. I pity the people who have to eat my cooking hahah. 

With the ingredients, you won't get a big cake but the size is just nice for 4-5 people. I always find cakes like this are best eaten when they are still warm. The edge of the cake is still crispy and crumble in your mouth. Yum!

That's all I have to say because 21 is now my favourite numberrrr. So I have to write something on my blog. Actually 21 is second favourite. First is 13. Okay, bye!

Thanks for reading!

Attitude... It's Always Attitude

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Some cringy quotes but it's true.

Peeps. I was really furious few days back when I heard someone said stuff along the line of "Memang la dia jahat, dia buat .... (insert horrible stuff you'd hate people do unto you). Tapi dia cantik." Sis, sorry. I don't give one gram of care about how people looks. It's always attitude, always! If you do shit to me, you are shit. If you are nice to me, you are nice. Your face, your look, your body has nothing to do with your attitude.

I know that lot of people really love fair skin and pretty people. I got it. Some people rely heavily on visual. Their preferences depend on how things/people looks. But what I don't get is -- why you let all that facade, the things you are seeing, undermine the quality of that individual? So what if she/he got dark skin? What's wrong with not looking pretty like those in the magazine or on Instagram and Twitter? Why does everything always, always has to do with looks?

I was never one of the pretty girls. Back in school, I had several encounters where boys would use my name to joke around with other boys. Like telling their boy friend that I like him. It was like an insult  to the boy as I was not pretty (still am, lol). I was angry. I thought that boy was thinking too highly of himself that he took the joke seriously and looked down on me. I even made jokes about how he looks and how dare he thought that I would like him for how his face. Although I made that remarks because I was angry, I realised that I too for a moment became like them. I judged their look. And I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. I was 13 at that moment and I told myself repeatedly that looks don't matter. It was my attempt to console myself hahah but it changed me for the better. At least now I don't really care how people look. XD

I feel like it was such a waste of talent, ability and skills when people started to judge other people on their appearances. Hey, I know that appearance is important but to me, as long as you dress neatly and accordingly, you are pretty and handsome. And I always find that the kinder the people, the more beautiful or handsome they appear. But, I really don't get it. I know few people who say things like "Tak lawa, tapi dia baik lah" or "Boleh tahan, sayangnya gelap." And the same people would say, "Takpelah dia cerah" or ''Hei perangai teruk, nasib baik lawa." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE? Why the judgement always have to include appearance or looks? Why can't you see beyond that? Why can't we appreciate the sincere smiles, the way they talk, the jokes and they aura they radiate? Or better, their talents, their skills, their abilities. And oh, if their attitude sucks, they sucks. No pretty or handsome face can save that. Periodt.

Literally me when people use appearance to judge people.

I have lot of friends whose look might not be up for the social standard of beauty but well, they look pretty and lovely everyday, effortlessly. Looking at such people, I believe that when you are happy, you are kind, you made people around you feel at ease with you, you will definitely look prettier and glowing-er than ever. So, be happy, be kind people. You don't have to ridicule yourself for not looking like those pretty girls or handsome guys on social media. Be you. You by far, is the nicest version of yourself. Though I know that the world won't work the way I hope, I will forever believe in good attitude makes you look better.

Andddd, we are going to hit 2020 very soon and I really hope this culture of degrading or looking down on people because of their looks would extinct sooner than that. But if you ever read about Halo Effects, you might understand why this culture would be hard to be eliminated. Sad, innit? Truth is, the world will never stop judging you by how you look.  But just try your best to never think about how people look and see beyond that. :) Because believe me, when you stop judging people by how they look, you won't give a damn when people comment on how you look and random people commenting on strangers' looks won't matter anymore. You won't be affected.

Anyway, thank for reading! And remember, beautiful heart makes you beautiful.

Tinggal Pergi

Menjadi yang ditinggalkan akan sentiasa menyakitkan.

Saban malam, memikirkan segala susuk kekurangan.

Setiap detik, merenung apa yang sebenarnya boleh dilakukan.

Setiap saat, mengintai kalau-kalau ada yang boleh dibetulkan.

Kata sudah dilafaz.

Janji sudah dimungkiri.

Manis sudah berganti benci.

Yang jadi, sudah jadi.

Yang pergi meninggalkan jarang sekali kembali pulang.

Apa yang menyakitkan sukar benar mendatangkan kegembiraan.

Perlahan-lahan, lepaskan.

Dikenang boleh, digantung harap jangan.

Semoga satu saat, akan tiba kekuatan untuk benar-benar melupakan.

Review: Lave Republic Shampoo + Conditioner Bar

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Peeps, I'm feeling a bit motivated to write. Okay, I lie. I'm running away from writing my thesis actually. In order to neglect my responsibility, I decided to write a review on new shampoo bar I have tried this year. I always have issues with my hair and the shampoo I use, like there's no ending to this problem. My hair condition does not get better, and I got lazier to put more effort. In the end, I will just simply buy things that I think suitable to be put on top of my head and smell nice. That's a shampoo for me. It was not a good decision, but heyyy, choosing a good shampoo hasn't reward me with any better hair. So, might as well simply put anything up there.

However, I stumbled upon an Instagram account named laverepublic earlier this year and I have been eyeing their shampoo and conditioner bars. They claimed that they use natural ingredients and so what not for their products. I am a sucker for things like that. There is a 90% possibility that I will buy things that are organic or natural or handmade. Plus, their mission is to reduce plastic waste. That's why their shampoo and conditioner are in the shape of bars, not in a bottle! 

You know that plastic waste is the main culprit of our sea creatures' death right? Like they eat it and then, their stomach became so full with plastic that will never decomposed and then they cannot eat anymore and then they die. Poor babies. So yeah, I decided to start using less plastic and try the shampoo and conditioner bars as one of my effort to do so.

I bought mine from their website that has no delivery charge for purchase above RM25. Crazy good deal! I bought the 'Good Hair Day Essentials Starter Set' because ermmm it's essential? Honestly, I want the comb. The gorgeous wooden comb. You'll see how gorgeous it is. Wait.

It came in a box like this! The delivery was pretty fast. Placed my order or Monday morning and received the parcel next day evening. so 5/5 for shipping and delivery.

'Good Hair Day Essentials Starter Set' offers these three items. One shampoo bar, one conditioner bar and one wooden comb. Cost me RM39.50 for a set which is cheaper compare to buying the item individually which would be RM45. 

LAVE Republic offers 5 types of shampoo bars. I don't have dandruff problems (thank God, I have enough problems with my weight) yet I chose 'Dandruff-Who Shampoo Bar' because it helps with itchy scalp. And boy, this shampoo bar is amazing!! My scalp doesn't itch as often and I like the smell of it. And I thought that it wouldn't lather up like the normal liquid shampoo but it lathers up like crazy! I like it! It smells of lavender, peppermint and rosemary because those are the main ingredients. I like how the smell actually made my bathroom smells better hahaha. 

Their conditioner came in the shape of square bar. It doesn't lather up like the shampoo bar, of course. It made your hair smooth and silky. For those who has never tried shampoo without SLS and other harmful chemicals, you hair would feel a bit rough but I guarantee, the conditioner will make your hair as smooth as baby's bum. I don't understand myself either why I use anti dandruff shampoo with anti hair fall conditioner but well, it doesn't make me go bald yet, so okay lah kot. 

This is the comb, guys! It reminds me so much of the Southern Water Tribe comb in Avatar The Last Airbender sooooo I chose this one. There are three types of wooden hair comb to be choose,  depending on your hair length. So sturdy, so nice, and with the set, it became so cheap! This comb is RM15 on its own (still cheaper than the average good wooden hair combs' price) and with the set, it's even cheaper.

So tadaaaa. Three of them! If you really really care about producing less waste, you can request for 'naked' bars which means, your shampoo and conditioner bars will be delivered without the wrapping. I love our environment and really want to produce less waste but I like them not naked for now. Maybe I'll try the naked request after this. Maybe. Haha.

I was a bit too excited so I didn't take picture of the items without the wrapping. I immediately took my shower and tried them. But here, an image I took from their website showing the naked products. 

If you're interested to buy, you can go to their website or visit their Instagram account. And oh, the bars last like a bottle of normal liquid shampoo. I have been using it since February and I could say that I only use like 1/5 of the round shampoo bar. I estimate that I will have to buy a new one in May or early June. Let's see. So, if you're thinking to change your shampoo or hair care, I suggest you try this awesome bars. Or, you can check out what else Lave Republic can offer you. They made pretty awesome soaps and scrubs too.

That's all from me, the girl who ran away from writing thesis.

Thanks for reading! 

Things I Have Learnt

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Ayyyy, it's been so long since I last wrote and vented my feelings out. My blog is super dusty, similar to that articles I have printed for reading. Anyway, I turned 24 this year! Yeayyyyy! 24 and roaring. I've been 24 for less than a month but God knows how this year has taught me so many new things! It's April and I don't think that it would be too far-fetched for me to say that 2019 will be one of the most memorable and strange year I ever had. Anyway, I'll list down things that I have learnt when I turned 24. I hope when I reached 25 (if I ever will) I will look back to this list and feel like, ahhh my 24 year old wasn't all dumb and silly.

1.  Manage your time and your life will be sorted out.

This is something that we all have been told since we were in primary school. I am not good with time management. I remember when I was in primary school, I always got scolded by my sister and received stern looks from my parents. I was so slow and I loooooove daydreaming. Hence, my sister called me 'SIPUT' for I moved too slow. I daydream everywhere. In the bathroom, on the bed after showering, during breakfast, while putting on shoes -- all of these resulted in my sister and I being late for school. She was a prefect, so she had to arrive early. She would walk so fast, leaving me behind because she was angry at me and my daydreams for making her late! hahaha

Now that I am older, I realised that time management is important and I only daydream while I'm showering or about to sleep haha. Daydream is good, can't afford to lose it. But yeah, I have managed my time better. I know that I have to do what at what time, when to stop and when to start. Of course, there are days when I just waste my time by rolling in the bed, immersed with novels and 9GAG. But, I tried my best to get back on the track for the next day. I have to juggle between job and writing thesis so I remind myself to always manage my time or I might lose either one, or worse, BOTH. Please Allah, no.

2.  Spending money you earned is a love-hate relationship

This is so true. I know that we earn money to be spent but heyyy, I work my ass off everyday, translating stuff, editing it and updating the drive, so of course I have some kind of relationship with the money born through this hard work. Back in my degree years, I received RM550 for myself every month from my sponsor (Thank you Yayasan Peneraju I LOVE YOU!). I spent them with no guilt in my heart and very little conscience in my head. Like..

Ohhh that shoes look nice -- BOUGHT IT! 

Ohhh new Ahern's novel -- TAKE IT! 

Yummehh Sushi King nyum nyum -- WALKING OUT FROM SUSHI KING WITH FULL STOMACH AND EMPTY PURSE.

Now that I earn that money from my hard work, I somehow think more sensibly. Like I asked myself, is this a need or is this just my silly desire smooth talking me that striking yellow ass jumper will look good on me without making me look like a giant grilled corn? I am still very much struggling to control my silly unnecessary desire, but I think I am getting a tad better at that. At least now I'm checking it with my brain first before spending on things. I love the fact that I now have money to spend but this may sound stupid but, I hate it when I spend it. Women are complicated, I guess?

3.  IT IS CRUCIAL TO SAVE.

4 years of undergraduate study programme with a full-ride scholarship and not a penny saved. Yup. That's me. I was a bit down when I know people who are the same age as me already owned thousands of saving and me ermmm like RM2 in that dusty Tabung Haji account my primary school registered on behalf of me?! Can't even shop a thing at Eco Shop for everything is RM2.10! It was hard to start saving at first. I used to spend all my money and suffer at every end of month. Then I found this one gem -- Don't save what is left after spending, spend what is left after saving. It helps making the saving-thingy a bit easier. Also, I stumbled upon many tweets or articles telling how important it is to save for the future, emergencies and so what not. I kind of realised that these things are true and misfortune never knocks on the door. They just punched your face. Misfortune is a bitch. So peeps, save first before that bitch came and ran with all the money you have in your hand and left you miserable by the street.

4.  Walk you own pace, your own path and look forward.

This lesson taught me to be relax and calm when I feel like I am left behind. I started my Master's Degree in 2017 and still struggling to complete it. I have friend who started later than me but has completed hers. I was sad and feel a bit like a loser but I remember that we all have our own timeline. We have our own path. If you are not satisfied, you work for the things you want. But never feel less because someone is ahead of you. Life is not a race, it's a journey. It's not about who arrive first or last, it's all about arriving at the destination and enjoying things around you. You gotta look forward and stay focus to arrive at your destination. If people's journey around you made you feel disheartened, stop looking at them. But if they motivated, by all means, continue googling them. Wow, can't believe I remember some kind wisdom shiz from some wise books and old bald men on Google. #positivevibes #inspirational

5.  Losing a best friend is a bigger heart shattering event than losing your boyfriend. 

This one, let's just say that I have learnt it, okay? *continues weeping under blanket*

6.  SELF-HELP BOOKS ARE NOT THAT BAD.

They are quite fun. You can gain new insights on things or issues around you. You might change the way you think. You get useful and effective tips!!! My first self-help book is Quiet Power by Susan Cain. How I stumbled upon this book? Well, I did a personality test and I got INFJ as the result. The I at the front stands for INTROVERT. Me? Introvert? LOL. So I retake the test like 10 times and got the exact same result. Time to accept the reality, I guess? I never considered myself as introvert, more like someone who only talks to people I know and stay quiet with strangers but then, the smart people say that what introvert is. Ye lah tu. But anyhow, I wanted to understand more so I googled books for the thing and decided to buy this Quiet Power. Amazingly, I can relate to almost all the stories and almost half of the tips given are things that I have practising in my life.

I have never liked self-help books but after reading one, I think that it's not so bad to start challenging myself to read new things. They are wonderful and some stories are really funny. Not like Sugar-Sammy-funny, more like sopan-jokes-that-make-you-smile-ears-to-ears-funny. But they are alright, really. Give it a go if you have never tried it.

7.  Open door for new people.

I texted with same people, sometimes met the same people I texted and spent my free time with the same people. I always refuse to go out if my friends brought someone I don't know along with them. That was bad and I shouldn't have done that. When my boss whom I only converse via Whatsapp or email asking me to go eat together, I went numb. I am scared of meeting new people. I don't even really pick up calls, especially not from unknown numbers. Just text me, don't have to call or meet me. I don't know what to do but one of my brain cells was extra courageous that day and I replied, "Sure. Where should we meet?" After meeting my boss, Kak Ummu, I felt like I can conquer the world, guys. I met a totally new person for the sake of eating together, not because we have work stuff to do! Wow, 2019 is my year! I am a new person. LOL.

And after that, I went to a BBQ at my friend's house and God knows how scared am I. There were people I never knew existed and how do you talk or behave in front of them? I was freaked out but hey hey hey new Bazilah won't back down ah gituuu. Luckily, I knew quite a few people there too and although I was super awkward at first, it got easier and more comfortable after some times. I guess, I just have to do the things I have to do. Don't be so scared. If I did something embarrassing, just avoid meeting that person again. Haha!

I guess, that's all I have learnt for now? I really hope that by the time I turned 25, I would be wiser and smarter and prettier and richer and slimmer. Aamiin. I wish everyone to have smooth sailing year this 2019 and may you all be blessed.

Thank you for reading!